Take That Pauly Walnuts! AKA This Just In...Boredom Yields Bandwidth!

In a blatant act of one-upsmanship, Brandon Greene has decided to add his own blog-o- to the sphere of frustrated dilettante (sp?) writers, such as one Mr. Paul "I Fought the Law and Hilarity Ensued" Smaldino. His blog just looked so...poignant that I at once felt pangs of envy, sorrow, gratitude, and slight nausea. The latter could easily have been the bluish milk I added to my cereal having its way with my small intestines, however.

I miss my old pal Paul, and yet I feel as if he is right here in my new apartment, cracking wise and waxing Tectonic, as I read his new blog. I remember his witty insights, ridiculous theories and awesomely profound pop songs about poop.

Paul was quite the Renaissance Hipster before that was a dirty word, and together we shared many marvelous nights of stoned inebriation, white boy soul, and all around filthy rock'n'roll behavior. It was grand living and loving in the big city, and each night of woeful revelation would end in Paul's generous acceptance of my reckless debauchery, and ultimately he was my street priest to whom I could confess my nightly sins with the kind of brutal honesty I could not share with many people. He knows things about me that would cause major shitstorms of scandal, and I feel safe knowing that he will likely never blackmail me with said scandals. Unless of course he is hard up for cash and he knows that I have just come into a large inheritance a la Scotty Favor & Bob Pigeon in My Own Private Idaho, which of course is highly unlikely.

It is more likely that such roles would be reversed, and I will someday be on his doorstep, hat in hand, grovelling for a hand-out when all of my bridges have been burned and all of my tricks have been turned.

Damn that's a hell of a lyric.

Paul, that lyric goes out to you. You are a true friend and I promise if I do ever show up at 3 in the morning at your compound in the canyons I will only ask for the Small Favor and not the Large one, so as not to ruin our friendship (or my chances to ask for another Small Favor the next time I am hard up).

Of course I am just kidding, and you know that we will both be great successes eventually, each in our own way. Yours will just be the more obvious success involving prestige & fortune, while mine will be the more impoverished one that mystifies researchers & biographers, who will be arguing over my mysterious obscurity for years to come. And I'm totally okay with that, it was always meant to be as such and I wouldn't have it any other way.

In closing Paully Walnuts, tanks for the memories, and here's to hoping that there will someday be some new ones. The wild nights of yore may be in our past now, but they were some of the greatest moments in the history of friendship that ever was. I will treasure them fondly (and of course use them as fodder in my rocking tell-all autobiography once the dime-store counterculture journalists get it all wrong and I have to set the record straight....)

Love ya bro!

Signin' off (for now)....

brandon greene